


Without You

by AllegedlyAlive



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Death, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-19
Updated: 2015-03-19
Packaged: 2018-03-18 15:16:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3574433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllegedlyAlive/pseuds/AllegedlyAlive
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shepard's job is never over. End of ME3 Shenko drabble. Includes character death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Without You

Everything was white and she realized she was dying. It was the same as last time. That feeling of floating, of something big approaching, as steady as time. Death.

She remembered she had promised him she would come back this time.

Physically she felt nothing. But she knew it wouldn’t be long now. She wanted to struggle, to fight, to scream _this isn’t how it’s going to end._ Because she didn’t know if what she did mattered, if she had won, if they had won. And Commander Shepard didn’t leave jobs unfinished.

And she had promised him she would come back this time.

But she couldn’t move. She was trapped, she was falling. She felt panic rising up within her, and it surprised her. She had thought she was ready, had done her best--but there was always a better best that Shepard could be, a new level to push herself past.

And the panic was coming in throbbing waves now--

Then the warm arms wrapped around her and a sense of intense relief flooded her. She hadn’t left him. He was here. They were together.

“You did it.” The confirmation was all she needed. The reapers were gone. And she realized she was done. Her best had been enough.

“Kaidan.” She breathed out. “It’s over. We finished.” She smiled into his chest and finally, for the first time in her life, she felt ready to let go of everything. Everything except for him. It felt right to be there with him, they had finished the race together. Wherever they were, wherever they were going.

“No.”  

The conviction in his voice snapped open eyes she hadn’t realized she had closed. She met his golden brown eyes and and felt somewhat reassured. But the sadness in them--no, the inevitability in them--left her scared. Terrified.

“Shepard, it isn’t over. They need you.”

_No no no_ \--“I’m just one person Kaidan. What can I do?”

He only smiled, that one he always flashed just for her, like he couldn’t believe she existed, that she was the best thing in the world.

And even as she held him tighter, refusing to relax her grip around his torso, she felt him leaving.

“I need you to know...no I need you to remember, _always_ \--”

“Kaidan.” She interrupted him before he could finish. She didn’t want him to finish. The inevitability in his eyes flashed at her again.

“Shepard, I love you.”

_Until the end of time._

 

* * *

 

 

Pain. Red, blood, hot, burning, pain. She gasped awake. The medics bustled around her because, "Commander Shepard is awakening! Notify Admiral Hackett immediately!" Yet distantly she heard as well “We lost him!” and even addled with the drugs and the pain her mind began to piece together that something had happened. Something bad.

As they moved, she lay there, motionless. Afraid to open her eyes. Afraid to see the damage.

“Shepard.” The voice jolted her away from her pain, a dark lake filled with relief and despair. It took her a moment to place the speaker--the last time she had heard him seemed to be over a lifetime ago, a lifetime of chaos and violence. Finally, she forced herself to open her eyes and face him.

“Garrus.” She croaked it out, urgently, more than just a response to his original greeting.

Garrus heard the question in her voice, the desperation. She saw him hesitate. Then the briefest moment, just a flicker of his eyes, but Shepard had always been good at reading people, even turians. She painfully turned her head to the object of his gaze.

Garrus had reached out to put a hand on her, but she didn’t feel it. She didn’t feel the burning pain, her nerves screaming in protest to the touch, the medical equipment beeping in alarm to her agitation.

As she looked at Kaidan’s body, she felt nothing. His words from her dream (vision?) still rung in her ears and she realized she was silently crying.

She knew that he was right, and she would lead and fight and rebuild, for those who were still left. But as she cried and hurt and lay under Garrus’ touch and realized that she felt none of it, the hollow Kaidan had left reverberated loudly within her.

She would fight, but she would not feel.

****  
  



End file.
